One day!

It has been a long time since I put my thoughts into this blog but today, the need was great! I've gone through many changes physically and emotionally but at the end of the day, nothing has really changed.

I lost over 80lbs...woohoo! Yes, I did and a year later, I still have managed to stay slim and according to some, maybe too slim. I bought a condo! Another victory although right now it doesn't seem like one. I want so bad to do right by my little man who is FIVE now, but I tell  you, sometimes it is like swimming against the current.

The devil, well let's see, is still out the picture, completely gone.... In fact, he is engaged. Good for him but the fact that he has essentially went on without a thought in his little brain about my child, boggles me. How can he not miss this little cutie who happens to look just like him? And support, what support? I struggle each day to make sure my son is fed and has a house over his head. I work full-time and go to school to better myself for him...but it just seems like it is never enough. I'm always behind with some bill and/or something comes up. While he strolls the world, yes the world because he fled the country when he was ordered to pay child support, with his teenage fiancé.

In the meantime, my son and I have had to deal with disruptive behavior like hitting, kicking, and biting (yes, it has resurfaced except this time, it is all towards me).

I can go on and on but I won't because I also know that God sees all. And all the struggles that my son and I have had while the devil parlays will soon be over. Eventually, the law will catch up with him, even if that means going to law school myself...Did I mention, I'm studying for my LSAT?

57.25

That is the number of inches I've lost in less than three months. Is that even possible? This number includes calves, ankles, neck, forearms, etc..but it still seems like a lot. I'm down two pant sizes and have lost 42 lbs. I barely just finished two months and have had these great results. Very happy!

Mickey Mouse....Here we come!

So in February, my family and I are taking my baby on a Disney cruise! I have to admit, my initial thought when we booked it last November was "oh man, am I going to be able to handle lil man on a cruise". Well now, I can hardly wait!

I paid off my cruise in August and as a birthday gift to mom, I paid her remaining balance. She has already paid my baby's off as that is his "every event" gift for the year. So we are ready to go! And now that my baby is almost fully potty trained (day only), I'm really excited. Yes, I know I mentioned back in the beginning of the year that we had started...well I abandoned the attempts because he just wasn't getting it. He is ready now. He will occasionally have accidents but not frequent. Thank goodness! He has also started behaving much better. Yes, he is still an active hyper kid, but he can also sit down for an hour and half and watch Toy Story 3 every single day without moving.

Now that I've lost a total of 33lbs this year (with more to go), I'm really really excited to show off my new body to the world and possibly the devil. Our cruise ports where he lives in the islands....what a coincidence! I have informed him of this and the dates but with him...you just never know. He might show up to see his son, but my bet is on he won't!

Anyways, we will have a blast regardless...

Less than 4 months away and counting!
Robomom

A NEW ME!

Its been a while, but I've been busy! Let's see, as far as my baby is concerned, well..he's not a baby anymore :-(... He whips out words and sentences now and I'm left thinking WTF...how does he know that? He is so independent now. There was a period where he was hitting and fighting everyone but it has since calm down. Whoever said twos were the worse...lied.....My baby was an angel compared to some of the tantrums at three. But slowly but surely, he is coming around.

We heard from the devil in August...temporarily as usual. My baby even spoke to him on the phone. It's so funny (not really), but you can even hear the detachment in the devil's voice when he speaks to him. It's like he's speaking to some random kid. He was more interested in speaking to me than his son and frankly, I had nothing to say to him....Well, I had plenty but chose to LET IT GO! I'm so over it. I have no love nor hatred towards him. I have finally comes to turn that I will never understand how a parent could truly have no feelings for their child. I'm done trying to figure it out. My family and I  give enough love that he doesn't miss anything. And somehow, I still manage not to talk crap about him to our son. What's the point? He'll see it on his own soon enough.

As for me, letting it all go has indeed opened up so many doors for me. I will be debt free next month...FINALLY! I have managed to pay everything off and afford things on my own now. I am officially back at school with an estimated graudation time of Spring 2012. I'm even in the process of losing weight and have lost 20lbs so far....Life is good. I really can't complain!

I am now a serious believer of letting go of the negative to allow positives in! God has always blessed me but now I'm not so focus on things I shouldn't be to notice it!

Till next time!
Robomom!

Uhmmm Terrible Twos Was Bad...But Nothing Like THREE!

I thank God everyday for my healthy, active, three year old son. I mean, just last year I couldn't say the same. He was always sick and in the hospital. And frankly, I prefer this boy over that fragile child of mine...BUT what in the world happened to him when he turned three....

Any chance he gets, he tries to defy me. I have literally told him the flying object is a helicopter but he fights me and says its a plane when it is clearly a helicopter. The trantrums are more extensive and now he's hitting and biting. I am afraid of picking him up at school everyday...not sure what complaint I will get that day.

So when I finally realized (through tears) that I had enough of this "who's in charge" war with my three year old, I broke down and emailed his pediatrician. "Is there something wrong with him? Is there something wrong with me? I'm going to have a nervous breakdown", I told her. And in three short paragraphs, she completely changed my life.

Paragraph one was one sentence.....Disciplining children at three can be very challenging.....was all it said...WTF does that mean I asked myself....then the next paragraph were book suggestions...and the last paragraph was how I was bound to find something from those books to help.

Of course I felt better knowing I wasn't alone! However, I didn't see how this would help..I mean he clearly was beyond teaching...Nevertheless, I sucked it up and order the three books she suggested online. They arrived on Friday....I managed to finish one by Saturday morning....(this is how desparate I am)...when we visited my cousin and my son smacked me in my face....I just knew I had to do something..especially when everyone comments. Funny everyone has an opinion on disclipining and I felt like a horrible mother because its not like I haven't tried those things. I nearly was short of beating him..but I don't believe in beatings....spankings...yes but not beating out of anger....We left shortly after this and headed home.

Home I went and finished the second book....it was time to change my ways.....I was quickly learning from these books that my frustration and the way I was dealing with him was only in a negative way. I was only paying attention to him when he was doing something wrong (which seems like all the time)...So when Sunday came and he was sitting there playing all by himself, I got down on the floor and grabbed a motorcycle and played with him. I said out loud everything he was doing and he just seemed so excited.

Of course, things won't change overnight so when he started getting a tantrum, I simply gave him an option. At first, he was startled that mommy wasn't raising her voice. I was too....and no matter how loud HE got, I refused to let it get to me....When he started crying because he wanted something, I told him. You have an option, You can either stop and watch the movie or you can keep crying and I will turn it off. He quickly stopped and then I thanked him for listening and for watching the movie...and that was it!  A BREAKTHROUGH.....I can't tell you how many times I had to give him options but eventually it stuck long enough for him to realize that this is the way it was going to be.....now I'm getting ready to pick him up and am hoping that he was not hitting or biting....

WTF

I've spent the majority of my life loving someone or another whom either didn't love me back or didn't love me enough. So now I'm taking time to invest my precious time on someone that I should have been taking care of all along.....ME!!!! So you would imagine my shock when a doctor, not a psychiatrist or psychologist told me last week that I needed to start dating again. I mean usually I'm told things like "take time for yourself" or "accomplish your goals before jumping into something", but nope, she told me to start dating. It probably had to do with my stress level. She said she wasn't suggesting it for the sex, but more so for compianship and going out.

After having some time to think about it, I'm now asking myself if she is right. I'm finally at a place in my life where I'm happy with myself...at the choices that I'm making and it has nothing to do with a man. I'm focused on my priorities and for once, they do not include a man....Yes, it gets lonely at times and yes, the routine of the day to day life bores me to tears sometimes, but in my mind, I know its temporary!

So if she were to tell me this today, I'd probably tell her...if it happens, great, if it doesn't....I'm GOOD!

And So It Begins!

As you know, I go to school. Therefore, twice a week my mom watches my son. When I got home last night, I heard him yapping away but I didn't hear my mom respond. When I finally went to her room, she was barely awake and my son was just talking and talking and talking. As soon as he saw me, he jumped up and hugged me. Then he started telling me a story about something that happened a week ago. All of a sudden, his voice got really loud and he was pointing his finger to me. My mom and I looked at eachother. Clearly someone had been yelling at my kid and he was mimicking that person. I asked him who talks to him like that and he responded "Mommy and Daddy". Clearly this isn't true because he hasn't seen his "daddy" in two years. So I asked him again and he said the same thing. I was left puzzled at where this daddy business came from.

Then he proceeded to me tell me that he wanted to get on a plane like grandma and papa and that he was going to the airport. He then said "Daddy is on the plane". You see, whenever he ask for him, I always tell him he's on a plane but the last time we had that conversations was months ago.  He then proceeded to have a conversation regarding his daddy.

My mom and I came up with the conclusion that he must be learning this at school. However, I'm now left with the reality that the questions will begin soon. Where is daddy? Why is he not here? How come I don't see daddy?

What's the right thing to say? Clearly I can't keep telling him his daddy is on a plane for the rest of his life. Despite my personal opinion of his father, I've never spoken negative towards him to my son. In fact, I often show him pictures or tell him fun stories about his daddy. However, he's growing up and starting to understand the dynamics which make up a family.

While I know that as he gets older, he will see things for himself. However, what does one do in the interim when he is too young to really get it but too old to pacify with vague answers?